Dubrovnik aftermath
“Self doubt’s only something in your head.”
So I haven’t had the best runs of form this year and it’s been really heavy psychologically.
It really sucks to say but my confidence is low, probably lower than it’s ever been, and try as I might I just can’t seem to shake the self doubt right now.
More than anything I’m disappointed at how I’ve handled things. I’ve just been going through the motions hoping that I would come good at the end of it. Thing is, as it turns out, that didn’t get me anywhere. I’ve always been my own biggest fan. I’ve believed myself capable of the greatest things for a long time now and until recently my psyche have been untouchable, unbeatable. But after Prague it just sort of... vanished. Did a dissapearing act like some sort of magician and left me feeling really shitty.
The European cup in Dubrovnik is one that I should have left with a medal and it broke my heart that I couldn’t bring it home this time. But that’s what happens when you don’t perform and doubt yourself.
And I’m sorry it took such a long time to put this post up on the blog but it’s been hard. I think my judgement have been seriously crowded after that poor performance in Dubrovnik where I think I hit rock bottom, mentally. Now it’s been a week and I think it’s finally sunken in. I’m better than this, just not right now and that’s okay. There’s plenty of time and plenty of things to try before I throw in the towel.
So that’s where I am right now. I know that things aren’t going to well but I’ve also understood that I can get out of this rut and I’m determined that I will.
Emil Mattsson
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